Job Hunting Tales

What do we hear every day? "It is impossible to find good workers today." Amiright? That is the excuse given by corporations whenever someone complains about the lack of customer service or a reduction in a store's hours.  We're told "There's just no one out there who wants to work anymore!" or "The unemployment rate is just so low that we can't find workers." 

LIES. Yep, I'm saying it: TOTAL FABRICATIONS. How do I know? Because I have spent the past couple of months applying for jobs - from remote positions to in-person on-site jobs, in offices, retail, and more. I even applied to be a dog-poop picker-upper (or maybe the correct title was "Dog Feces Sanitation Worker"? If it wasn't, it should have been.). I have been on exactly one interview, (I have not heard back, so I am pretty sure I was knocked out of the running when I was shocked that they ban open-toe shoes in their church office.) and have had responses from only a handful of the employers (including the dog sanitation job), almost all in the vein of "Thanks for applying, we have decided to go with someone else, blah blah blah..."). 

I think the worst rejection came from Sam's Club. I applied to be a "personal shopper." Considering that I have shopped at Sam's for years, often for my family of six, and know the store like the back of my hand, not to mention I am seriously a ROCKSTAR shopper, it seemed like a perfect position for me. I already utilize the "Scan and Go" tool on the Sam's Club app: how hard would it to be to use their little handheld device to pick customer orders in store? Did I mention I am a GREAT SHOPPER? But no. Sam's did not want me. I don't know if my availability (8am-2pm every day except Saturday) was the deal breaker or if I failed their psycho-babble personality inventory assessment (20 minutes of my life I will never get back)? But whatever the case, Sam's decided that a college degree'd, former published writer, substitute teacher, High School Swim Coach, mom was not qualified to perform basic shopping tasks for their customers.

Talk about hitting a low point. Is it not bad enough that I am a "woman of a certain age" and dealing with all that comes with hitting the half-century mark in life? Way to hit a girl when she's already dealing with the fun that is the beginning of menopause and empty-nesting, Sam's. Why don't you just knock out my a/c in a heat wave and force me to watch sappy hockey commercials and Hallmark movies, too? (You know I'm not wrong - the hot flashes and tendency to cry over some really stupid stuff is real somedays.) 

What's really pathetic is that I feel like I have a lot to offer as an employee: creativity, high speed typing, a sense of humor, the ability to not get easily offended along with the Gen X mottos - "You're fine...Walk it off....Rub some dirt in it...Stop crying...No one cares..." Who wouldn't want me to work for them? I am AH-MAY-ZING.

So the next time you hear Big Corp complaining that they just can't find good workers, think about the fact that they sure don't seem to be trying very hard. I know I am not the only person who is struggling to get even a response back from an employer after applying for a job. My advice to Big Corp: Maybe you're the problem? Maybe your HR people suck? Maybe they should stop relying on assessments and personality quizzes and actually have a five minute conversation with applicants before moving their application/resume` into the junk folder? Maybe assuming they know everything there is to know about an applicant based solely on a resume` and those time-wasting bs assessments isn't the way to go? 

Sorry, Kids, We Can't Find Enough World Language Teachers...



On Monday, February 9, 2015, the leaders of South Washington County School District 833 held the second public meeting (in a series of three) - called "Budget Conversations" - on their proposed $8 million cuts to the district's budget.  Included in the cuts are Special Education and Reading Recovery services, elimination of all elementary level band, orchestra and world languages, cutting 60+ teachers which will then cause all classes to increase by (at least) one student, and other reductions to "balance" the budget. 

The following video is a question asked as to why elementary world language is being cut, but the Spanish Immersion school is not receiving any cuts.  The response by Assistant Superintendent Julie Nielsen is one that may have readers scratching their heads:

 

 

Ms. Nielsen's response was essentially that the district is struggling to find and retain quality Elementary School World Language teachers, and yet, ironically, they have been able to find enough WL teachers to fill positions in the Spanish Immersion program from Kindergarten through 12th grade.  Also, on the job search website, K12Jobspot.com, SWC 833 has a continuous ad running for Immersion Teachers.  One would have to ask if they have applicants for the immersion program, that perhaps those candidates would also be suitable to use for the other World Language positions in the district?  Or that may just be too much common sense for a district which seems determined to make cuts that hurt the people the most so that the people will give them what they really want: passage of their potentially $200+MILLION referendum next fall.  After all, that does seem to be the district's MO.

 

 

If you are a Licensed Minnesota Elementary World Language teacher looking for a job, perhaps you should contact District 833's Human Resources department and talk to them about employment with the district.  It would seem that they would welcome qualified candidates to their schools since they've had such difficulty retaining teachers.

Ahhh The Irony...More Job Stuff

Now that the Holidays have passed, my goal has become finding a part-time job to supplement the family's income stream.  It has become more important since The Man of the House (TMotH) has been off work (read: "Voluntarily at first then Laid-off") for almost three full weeks and the savings, once nice and plump after the Hurricane Sandy earnings, have become slim.  I've applied several different places and have updated my contacts via LinkedIn and posted on LinkedIn that I am actively seeking employment.  These measures have resulted in one completed interview and one upcoming interview (Wednesday, I'll be doing a second interview for a position as a school lunch lady - yay me!).

The completed interview was with a staffing agency for temporary office work.  I decided to check into that option since it has been approximately eleven years since I last worked a "Real Job" in a "Real Office," and the gap on my resume`, not to mention the fact that finding references from that last "Real Job" has proven almost impossible, causes many potential employers to overlook my stellar qualifications. (Seriously, a degree in Broad Field Social Studies with a Psychology Major Emphasis isn't a shoe-in for a sales position? Really? Unbelievable!)  I also am not terribly excited about re-entering the fun world of office politics; I'd rather have needles inserted into my eyes than having to deal with back-stabbing co-workers and all the drama that goes with a group of people (women in particular) shoved into cubicles eight hours a day and forced to "work together".  So, the idea of being a temp is appealing because I figure I can side-step any drama with a quick, "I don't know and don't care since I'm not here for long, thank you," while also adding "recent work experience" to my resume`.

I interviewed with a company that is owned by the company for which my best friend happens to work.  This proved advantageous when the (inevitable) question regarding references from my last office position came up: per Bubba's instructions, I replied, "Bubba is my bff and said that she can vouch for me," which quickly caused a stir (apparently Bubba is quite well known and admired in her company, a fact that doesn't surprise me at all since I am her number one admirer) and the question to be dropped.  I left the interview feeling quite optimistic that they would be able to find me a position somewhere and called Bubba immediately to thank her for letting me "drop her name."

About three hours later, a staffing person from the company's sister company called to ask if I would be willing to have him present my information to a company that was looking to fill a temp part-time position. Upon hearing the staffing person's company name, my heart began to race and my hands became clammy.  (Once upon a time, many years ago, the same company placed an inexperienced, numbers-phobic, 19 year old woman in an accounting office doing work with tax returns.  This young woman hadn't even completed her own tax returns at that point, leaving that job to daddy to complete for her, had barely passed Algebra II in high school, and had yet to complete a full semester of any college-level math - had attempted college level math but had dropped the classes upon discovering that a passing grade was not going to happen in this lifetime.  That didn't seem to matter to the staffing company, and I - ahem, the young woman needed a job, so I - she - accepted it.  I was fired by lunchtime the first day.  Apparently, having numbers knowledge is important when working with tax returns.) I questioned the staffing person about the amount of number/math-type work would be required, to which he replied, "Not too much.  Just some inventory and purchasing, but the bulk of the job is administrative." That relieved some of my anxiety, which was further relieved when he told me the flexible days and hours and the rate of pay.  At that point, I agreed to let him present my resume` to the company, and immediately emailed Bubba saying "Wow! That was fast!"  Her reply came as a huge shock: "I think it's great that you'll be working for Planned Parenthood."

HOLD THE PHONE...Where? Planned Parenthood? Seriously? No. No way. Uh-uh. Not happening.  Bubba was surprised by my reaction given the fact that we were both tossed from a "Conservative Book Club" (Read: "It doesn't matter how conservative you are, if you're not Pro-Life in every way, you're not invited back.") for being too soft on the pro-life stance held by the club (Bubba is pro-choice, I am more pro-life than pro-choice, since I believe in exceptions).  TMotH was also surprised by my less than enthusiastic response to the job offer, saying, "If you don't do it, someone else will," like somehow that point would change my mind.

I have to admit to feeling torn, I mean, it was a possible JOB, and I am looking for a JOB.  They would have allowed me to pick which days I wanted to work and probably would've been pretty nice to me.  But the idea of having to walk past protesters to get to my job at a place of which I really am pretty opposed to much of what they do was less than attractive.  Not to mention the reaction I would be sure to get from my conservative friends.  I could just see it:

Me: Hey! I got a job!
Conservative Friend: Yay! Where?
Me: Well, it's only a temp job working in an office.
CF: Where is it?
Me: Uh, do you have any duct tape?
CF: Why?
Me: To wrap around your head, just in case.
CF: C'mon, just say it.  Where are you working.
Me: Are you sure you don't want to wrap your head with duct tape first?
CF: It can't be that bad. What is it, a strip club or something?
Me:  Ha ha, yeah, that's it. I'm working in the office of a strip club.  That'd actually probably be better than this.
CF: Where are you working? I promise not to freak out.
Me: Ok. Planned Parenthood.
CF: ARGGGGGGGGGGH....(sounds of splattering as brains hit me and the walls around us.)
Me: Dang it. Another friend gone.  Should have taken my suggestion and wrapped her head in duct tape like I told her to.

Fortunately, the company didn't choose me for the job.  I'm thinking that they checked out my recent position as writer for the conservative blog the-912-project.com and wondered if I might not use any experience at their establishment as fodder for articles (not a bad idea, actually) and marked my name off the list.  However it happened and for whatever reason, I am thankful and relieved.

How to Fail a Job Interview

Have you ever been slogging through a week from hell and suddenly realize "OMG, it's Thursday?"  That would be be me this week.  It's probably because of the fact that the kids didn't have school on Monday that I'm all discombobulated and confused about what day we're on today.  That type of thing always throws me off.

Monday was quite the day of ups and downs.  The weather totally sucked: cloudy gray sky spitting icy mist, not a glimpse of the sun all day, temperatures in the mid-40s; just an ugly day.  I was out and about that day, actually dressed up in the only pair of black pants that currently fit, a pretty pink sweater, my pearls and black butter-soft leather jacket.  Not my usual attire by any means (currently it is almost 11am and I am still in my hot pink/camo fleece pajama pants and slippers), but it seemed appropriate since I was going to my first job interview in years.  The job I for which I was interviewing was described as:

"Elderly Companion Care: services include light housekeeping, meal preparation, hygiene assistance, errands and shopping and companionship."

I was a little worried about what "Hygiene Assistance" meant, but upon further research, I decided that maybe it didn't include baths and help with other very personal hygienic assistance (a girl can hope, right?).  I was pretty excited when I received the call to go in for the interview, so when the time came, I spiffed myself up and headed out in the wintry weather, wearing the most awful boots known to mankind. (These boots made me realize that, yes, when my butt expands in size, so do my ankles, a phenomenon previously unknown to me.)  Upon arriving at the nondescript little office, I was given a stack of paperwork to fill out and promptly realized that I couldn't remember the name of the position for which I was applying, (thank God for good friends and their smart phones!) and was very thankful that I had brought along my updated resume` since without it, I'd probably still be there today, filling out the "previous employment" section of the application.  About thirty minutes later, after checking box after box relating to my "experience" working with the elderly, (honestly, people, are you sure I can't count raising four children as "experience"? How much different is it really dealing with a two-year-old or an elderly person's temper tantrum? Not much.) I was called back for my interview, which, in my mind, went something like this:

Prospective Employer: (looking at my resume`) Wow! You've been a busy girl.
Me: That's because I'm 39 years old and have had to change careers a few times. I'm experienced.
PE: I see that you've participated in the Breast Cancer 3 Day; how many times?
Me: Can't you read? It says right there: 2008/2010 - that'd be twice.
PE: I don't know much about it but I've heard it's hard.
Me: If you don't mind begging people for $2300 for the pleasure of walking 60 miles in three days in the middle of a Minnesota August and getting blisters on top of your blisters, sleeping in a pink tent and crying a lot, it's great.
(Fast-forward a little)
PE: So, these hours you have here, 9:30-3:00pm, Monday through Friday, are these the hours you are available to work or the hours you would like to work?
Me: Is there a difference?
PE: Well, we can't guarantee a set number of hours each week, but we do pay $11/hour, so...
Me: Those are the times in which I am available to work.  I need to be home in time to meet my little girls off the bus after school and be able to get my son from his hockey practices.
PE: We also require that you are available to work every other weekend.  Is that a problem?
Me: Do you see me available to work on the weekend days? On that form? Right there in your hand? That you made me fill out?
PE: No.
Me: So yes, that is a problem. My husband works out of town a lot. We have four children. When he's gone, I'm a single-parent.
PE: It's just that everybody would like to have Sat/Sun off now and then.
Me: So hire people who CAN work weekends whenever it is necessary. Because I can't.
PE: We don't always have work for you on the weekends, we just want you to be available to work every other weekend.
Me: So I'm supposed to "be on call" every other weekend because you may or may not have work for me to do? So I may or may not be able to go to my kids' sports activities or may or may not be able to spend time with my husband who may or may not be home that weekend?  Is that what you're saying?
PE: Well, yes.  Because every one wants to be able to be off on Sat/Sun sometimes....
(Fast Forward....)
PE: Ok, another question:  Sometimes you may be assigned to people who live vastly different lifestyles and have much different beliefs/values than you have.  How would you handle it if you were on assignment and your client expressed a belief that was different than the way you believe?
Me: Well, first of all, I would have them clarify their point of view.  Then I would break their opinion down point by point, citing recent articles/research, etc. that back up my opinion on the matter.  After verbally beating them until they were intellectually battered and bloody, if they still didn't see it my way, I would then verbally abuse them with clever and humorous name-calling and sarcasm until they cried.
PE: Ooookay...Do you have any questions?
Me: Would I be required to help with personal care? Like would I be required to give baths?  I have no experience and/or training in such activities.
PE: We will train you and certify you as a Home Health Aide.  So, yes, you will be able to give baths.
Me: Ok, thank you so much for your time. (Picks up coat, and goes SCREAMING OUT OF THE OFFICE: "No wiping butts! No baths! I don't even like seeing myself naked! Gaaaaah!")

Imagine my surprise that when the phone rang yesterday, the name of the company was on my caller ID.  I wasn't brave enough to answer the call nor have I called them back yet, either.

Onward and Upward my friends!

** I returned the company's call.  They were calling to ask me to complete a "mantle" (I'm really not sure what that is other than what we hang Christmas stockings on over the fireplace), so they could have me complete an Orientation next weekend.  Which brought up the fact that I can't (and WON'T) work weekends.  At which point their job offer was rescinded.  Oh well. No wrinkly bottoms for me to worry about (except my own) now. Alls well that ends well (heeheehee!).