Lunch Lady Union or Another Job Bites the Dust

I've recently posted about my job search.  Here's an update:

I had two interviews for a "Floating Nutrition Services" position (meaning, Traveling Lunch Lady) in the last seven days.  The first interview was over the phone and consisted of the interviewer asking me a bunch of (mostly) generic questions.  She assured me that every person applying for a job with our school district has to answer the questions.  Here is a sample of the questions and my responses (I dare you to try to figure out which ones were my "real" answers and which were the answers I wanted to say).

Do you believe humor is important in the workplace? Yes. Humor is important in life.
Why? Really? If you have to ask that, you don't have a sense of humor.

Do you believe that your co-workers should be highly skilled and competent? Yes.
Why? Because I don't like stupid people.

If you noticed a co-worker was having an emotional day, what would you do? Tell them to "Suck it up and get to work."

Your supervisor seems to disregard high-priority tasks. What would you do? Tell my supervisor that I'm not getting paid the big bucks like s/he is, so s/he can get crackin' and get his/her job done, because I'm not paid enough to be doing both my job and his/her's.

A large food order comes in which includes large bins. What would you do? Try to lift the bins, hurt my back and file a worker's comp claim.

A new piece of equipment is delivered, which you are not familiar with working. What do you do? Ask someone to train me on the equipment or find a manual.

Do you need to be liked by your co-workers? Yes and no.
Why? It is in my personality to be liked by people. However, sometimes, I really don't care. Especially if my co-workers are not highly skilled and competent.

Those are only a few of the very random questions I had to answer.  I told tMotH, "Well, I bombed that interview," and then proceeded to tell him all about the questions.  We had a good laugh, and I wrote off that job possibility.

Monday, I was called for a second interview, so I guess I didn't screw up the questions as much as I thought.  On Wednesday, I put on my "interview outfit" - the only pair of black pants I own that currently fit, a black sleeveless mock-neck shirt, a fuchsia deep-necked sweater, my pearls and the only heels in which I can currently stand to walk - and headed to the District Offices for the interview.

The person with whom I was interviewing found me in the lobby and led me back through a brightly lit cubicle area, which she called "the dungeon" (I've always thought of dungeons as dank and dark which this area was neither) to a small conference room.

"This second interview really shouldn't be called an 'interview' as we've already checked out all your information and have determined that you would be a great fit for the Nutrition Services Program. Which, really, we all call ourselves 'Lunch Ladies.'" She began as we sat down. "Basically, what I want to do today, if you're still interested in the position, is go over what we do and how it all works. Would that be ok?" At my nod, she then went into all the various duties lunch ladies do, how the "floater" position works and then added, "Of course, per our union rules, if we don't have anyone absent at any of the schools, we'd still have you come in and work so you could continue to train."

"Huh? Union?" I stuttered.
"Yes, we are a union district, so everyone who works for the district must be part of the union." She replied.
"Even the part time lunch ladies?"
"Yes. Actually, all but two of our employees are part time workers."
"What if I need a day off? How does that work?"
"Well, days off are hard because as a union, all the day off requests go by seniority."
"Seniority in a part time job?"
"Of course. It's how the union works.  Now, does all this sound good to you or do you want a few days to talk to your husband and figure out what you plan to do?" She smiled. She really was a nice woman.

I told her I needed a few days and left the interview.  All the way home all I could think was "Seriously? Union for part time workers? No wonder why our schools don't have any money. I am NOT working for a GOVERNMENT UNION and giving them my money so they can give it to people intent on destroying the country. Nope. Not happening."

This experience has been more of a testing of principles than a job search.  I can't wait to see which one of my principles gets tested with my next job offer.

How to Fail a Job Interview

Have you ever been slogging through a week from hell and suddenly realize "OMG, it's Thursday?"  That would be be me this week.  It's probably because of the fact that the kids didn't have school on Monday that I'm all discombobulated and confused about what day we're on today.  That type of thing always throws me off.

Monday was quite the day of ups and downs.  The weather totally sucked: cloudy gray sky spitting icy mist, not a glimpse of the sun all day, temperatures in the mid-40s; just an ugly day.  I was out and about that day, actually dressed up in the only pair of black pants that currently fit, a pretty pink sweater, my pearls and black butter-soft leather jacket.  Not my usual attire by any means (currently it is almost 11am and I am still in my hot pink/camo fleece pajama pants and slippers), but it seemed appropriate since I was going to my first job interview in years.  The job I for which I was interviewing was described as:

"Elderly Companion Care: services include light housekeeping, meal preparation, hygiene assistance, errands and shopping and companionship."

I was a little worried about what "Hygiene Assistance" meant, but upon further research, I decided that maybe it didn't include baths and help with other very personal hygienic assistance (a girl can hope, right?).  I was pretty excited when I received the call to go in for the interview, so when the time came, I spiffed myself up and headed out in the wintry weather, wearing the most awful boots known to mankind. (These boots made me realize that, yes, when my butt expands in size, so do my ankles, a phenomenon previously unknown to me.)  Upon arriving at the nondescript little office, I was given a stack of paperwork to fill out and promptly realized that I couldn't remember the name of the position for which I was applying, (thank God for good friends and their smart phones!) and was very thankful that I had brought along my updated resume` since without it, I'd probably still be there today, filling out the "previous employment" section of the application.  About thirty minutes later, after checking box after box relating to my "experience" working with the elderly, (honestly, people, are you sure I can't count raising four children as "experience"? How much different is it really dealing with a two-year-old or an elderly person's temper tantrum? Not much.) I was called back for my interview, which, in my mind, went something like this:

Prospective Employer: (looking at my resume`) Wow! You've been a busy girl.
Me: That's because I'm 39 years old and have had to change careers a few times. I'm experienced.
PE: I see that you've participated in the Breast Cancer 3 Day; how many times?
Me: Can't you read? It says right there: 2008/2010 - that'd be twice.
PE: I don't know much about it but I've heard it's hard.
Me: If you don't mind begging people for $2300 for the pleasure of walking 60 miles in three days in the middle of a Minnesota August and getting blisters on top of your blisters, sleeping in a pink tent and crying a lot, it's great.
(Fast-forward a little)
PE: So, these hours you have here, 9:30-3:00pm, Monday through Friday, are these the hours you are available to work or the hours you would like to work?
Me: Is there a difference?
PE: Well, we can't guarantee a set number of hours each week, but we do pay $11/hour, so...
Me: Those are the times in which I am available to work.  I need to be home in time to meet my little girls off the bus after school and be able to get my son from his hockey practices.
PE: We also require that you are available to work every other weekend.  Is that a problem?
Me: Do you see me available to work on the weekend days? On that form? Right there in your hand? That you made me fill out?
PE: No.
Me: So yes, that is a problem. My husband works out of town a lot. We have four children. When he's gone, I'm a single-parent.
PE: It's just that everybody would like to have Sat/Sun off now and then.
Me: So hire people who CAN work weekends whenever it is necessary. Because I can't.
PE: We don't always have work for you on the weekends, we just want you to be available to work every other weekend.
Me: So I'm supposed to "be on call" every other weekend because you may or may not have work for me to do? So I may or may not be able to go to my kids' sports activities or may or may not be able to spend time with my husband who may or may not be home that weekend?  Is that what you're saying?
PE: Well, yes.  Because every one wants to be able to be off on Sat/Sun sometimes....
(Fast Forward....)
PE: Ok, another question:  Sometimes you may be assigned to people who live vastly different lifestyles and have much different beliefs/values than you have.  How would you handle it if you were on assignment and your client expressed a belief that was different than the way you believe?
Me: Well, first of all, I would have them clarify their point of view.  Then I would break their opinion down point by point, citing recent articles/research, etc. that back up my opinion on the matter.  After verbally beating them until they were intellectually battered and bloody, if they still didn't see it my way, I would then verbally abuse them with clever and humorous name-calling and sarcasm until they cried.
PE: Ooookay...Do you have any questions?
Me: Would I be required to help with personal care? Like would I be required to give baths?  I have no experience and/or training in such activities.
PE: We will train you and certify you as a Home Health Aide.  So, yes, you will be able to give baths.
Me: Ok, thank you so much for your time. (Picks up coat, and goes SCREAMING OUT OF THE OFFICE: "No wiping butts! No baths! I don't even like seeing myself naked! Gaaaaah!")

Imagine my surprise that when the phone rang yesterday, the name of the company was on my caller ID.  I wasn't brave enough to answer the call nor have I called them back yet, either.

Onward and Upward my friends!

** I returned the company's call.  They were calling to ask me to complete a "mantle" (I'm really not sure what that is other than what we hang Christmas stockings on over the fireplace), so they could have me complete an Orientation next weekend.  Which brought up the fact that I can't (and WON'T) work weekends.  At which point their job offer was rescinded.  Oh well. No wrinkly bottoms for me to worry about (except my own) now. Alls well that ends well (heeheehee!).