Thursday, June 28, 2012

Stinky Hippie at My Door

A note to the stinky hippie wanna-be who showed up at my door last night around 6:30pm:

Dear Sir,

First of all, if you are going to be walking around my suburb in 90+ degree heat, I suggest you forgo the use of your "crystal deodorant" and use some Right Guard or Speed Stick or at the very least, spray yourself down with some Axe.  I was standing in my doorway, three feet away from you and could smell your stench quite vividly.  Gross.

Secondly, when you come to my door touting the fact that you are part of some sort of "Student Organization" against Voter ID and the Marriage Amendments that are on this Fall's ballot, and I stop you mid-spiel to tell you that I'm very much in support of Voter ID, smiling, thanking me for my time and walking away would have been a much better reaction than attempting to "sway me" to your way of thinking.  Do you not understand that when a person tells you FLAT OUT that they are in support of the Amendment that you and your "student organization" are fighting against (which, btw, made no sense whatsoever - calling Voter ID a "Poll Tax" was one of the dumbest arguments I've ever heard and demonstrated your absolute lack of understanding of what a "Poll Tax" really is), that is the time for you to WALK AWAY.  Especially when the person telling you their opinion is ME and it's 90+ degrees causing me to be quite crabby and I have't had a fun debate on Twitter or Facebook lately and your stench is causing me further irritation, not to mention your condescending and pompous attitude as you attempted to tell me what I, as a Conservative, should believe about the Voter ID amendment.

Thirdly, demonstrating your lack of understanding regarding the Wisconsin Recall by spouting off how "the Koch Bros bought that election" while not knowing how much money the unions poured into Wisconsin, nor being able to acknowledge the absolute stupidity of your statement when the stats of that election are recited to you (i.e. Walker winning by 10pts more than he did in 2010 and that 40% of union members voted for him) showed that you obviously were only parroting the talking points your comrades gave you prior to your walkabout my neighborhood.  You'd be a lot more credible if you used your own brain instead of being yet another useless idiot for the progressive cause.

Finally, after heatedly arguing with me about my views, DO NOT stand on my porch and insult me by saying "I always thought people on the other side were crazy, and now you've proven it" and expect to get anything back but "Hey honey, the feeling is mutual.  Get the hell off my porch."

The "Crazy" Conservative Lady

P.S. Btw: I don't believe you had a permit to be going door-to-door in my city.  I'm very sad that I didn't have time to report you to the police.

P.P.S.  I talked to my neighbors who also smelled, I mean, had you come to their doors and was informed about your rudeness to them as well.  One question I have for you:  Is it LEGAL to require a contribution to your cause before you "let" someone sign your petition (after having rudely interrupted their evening with your combative and stinky self)?  My neighbor thought it awful ballsy of you to want her name, address, phone number, email address and then a check with all her account information on it before she could sign the petition you were pushing - which she was only going to do to get your stinky butt off her front step (she told you she doesn't pay attention to politics in the least and only votes because her husband takes her to the polls and tells for whom to vote and still you persisted in harassing her).  How do we know that you were actually doing what you claimed to be and not just mining our neighborhood for personal information?


  1. I hope this dirtbag shows up on my doorstep over on the east end of town! I'll send my 7-pound Yorkie Maltese after him. Millie is a scrappy little dog, so it would be fun to watch Mr. Stinky run away with my little dog on his heels.
    Joe T.

  2. That is something I would LOVE to see! bwahahaha!!

    Yesterday, I chatted with my next door neighbor about the stinky hippie; he was quite disappointed that he wasn't home when the guy showed up because he would have loved to go head-to-head with him, too. My neighbor's wife was home and got to listen to him; she said he was pretty surly and assumed it was from the heat until she learned he had been at my house just prior to going to her's!
    I'm happy I could make his day. hahaha!